Do you ever wonder how to deal with someone else’s opinion of you – especially if it’s negative? Not how to handle a negative or even rude opinion; early on you should have learned that politeness is how we handle almost any situation. No, I’m asking if you have a mechanism or coping skill for those times when you discover what someone else thinks about you and it’s painful in some way? This is not an uncommon experience and might be especially common for real estate agents! (I’ll leave you to find your own context on that one.) Personally, I’ve heard a number of answers to this question and they are usually similar to the one found in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. While not completely representative of everyone’s answer, it’s close enough. This solution seems to lie in finding ways to ignore, become indifferent to, or otherwise devalue the offending expression. (Mr. Ruiz, for example, points out that when someone says something about us, we should remember they are limited by their own view of the world – their own prism – and realize what they say, says a lot more about them, than us.) This is both obvious and oblivious. May I suggest something a little different?
The Mirror Effect
Of course other people see things through their own prism; so what? Their opinions can not – and do not – hurt me in the least. How could they? They are only words and, depending on your philosophical bent, the person saying them may or may not even exist! If I feel hurt or pain (or happiness for that matter), you can be sure I am the sole cause. I hear the words, I interpret them (through my own prism Mr. Ruiz) and I create feelings in reaction to my interpretation. I create… That’s where the wonderful opportunity lies. The negative or painful (or happy) feelings are created from within. That’s not just a difference regarding who is in control (per Mr. Ruiz and the rest, I am to develop some ability that will counter the hurt caused by the words or expressions of Read more