Late this Spring, I came to the realization that my life wasn’t in enough upheaval, so I decided to give up everything and move back home to Texas to be closer to my family and aging parents. My trip to visit my parents while my dad recovered from surgery in April made a much larger impact on me than I realized.
Family matters. Life is short. Carpe Diem.
… and let’s face it, my business was in the toilet and I’ve been toying with starting my own Web 2.0 endeavor so what the hell. Texas here I come.
It’s been more than 2 months and I am working on my business plan. I have a lot more free time, so I am reading a lot. I am enjoying seeing my folks, my brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews, but surprisingly, I’m having difficulty reconnecting to my home town.
I finally started reading The Fountainhead and I am looking forward to reading Dan Brown’s new book, but one book in particular that I just finished has really made me think about the process of really starting over – starting over is tough.
The book Three Cups of Tea has profoundly impacted my process of starting over and reconnecting. It’s about the power of relationships – deep, meaningful relationships. Relationships that truly transcend our differences and forge bonds because of our shared experiences and common purpose. If you haven’t read the book, needless to say, I highly recommend it because I believe it has remarkable relevance to how we value and maintain relationships in our business and personal lives.
In the book, the significance of sharing tea with a person is a deeply routed cultural experience with profound meaning. The more one shares tea, the stronger the bond. Connecting and reconnecting with people is all about building, nurturing and maintaining relationships. Building a relationships begins with a common purpose or shared experience, but to maintain it and for it to become valuable, it requires nurturing. How much time do we really, truly devote to the nuturing of our own relationships? Not just our business relationships, but our personal ones as well.
What relationships warrant the sharing of more tea?
At dinner one night recently with my folks, we got into a philosophical discussion about spirituality and relationships. I add these disclaimers:
1. No, we were not drinking tea
2. No, there was “nothing” in what we were drinking
My mom shared a story about fate, spirituality and how it impacts relationships. Heavy, I know. She recounted the time when my parents were in New Mexico a few summers ago walking a trail near Taos. As they headed up the hill, another couple about their age were walking down. Immediately, my dad notices that the man was wearing a Bears cap.
Both my parents were born and grew up on the south side of Chicago. My father is a dyed in the wool, navy and orange Bears fan, regardless of the fact that he nor my mom have lived in Chicago in almost 40 years. He could not easily walk past someone wearing a Bears’ hat and not acknowledge the man’s intelligence nor his good taste in professional football team attire.
They find out that in fact they grew up in relatively close proximity to each other – talked about their parishes and life in Chicago. But what made this meeting more than just a casual talk was the fact that the man’s uncle was an employee of my mom’s father’s stoneyard. My grandfather owned a stone company – still in existance today – on the south side of the city. My mom remembered his uncle and remembers seeing him at the office as a child.
During our dinner conversation, my mom said that the man’s uncle was an alcoholic – had a tough time at work and in life – and was a heavy burden to my grandfather, but my grandfather did everything he could to take of him.
At the time the man shared his uncle’s name on the rocky train in Taos, my mom said she was overwhelmed by the presence of someone who was not there – her dad. I believe that relationships not only transcend our differences, the ones that really count, take root in our soul.
This meeting – and albeit brief relationship with this couple, struck up because of a less than average football team – was deeply meaningful.
How many opportunities have we missed to truly connect with others?
Gary Frimann says:
Well, that is a great story. You truly hit upon and covered all 3 things that add to, and change, our lives:
1) The people we meet
2) The places we go
3) The books we read.
I was just thinking about this yesterday, at an open house, while reading my Kindle (in the future, will #3 change?)
Keepin’ it simple.
Sometimes we lose track of what’s really important.
September 14, 2009 — 10:14 am
Thomas Hall says:
@Gary – really appreciate your thoughts. I guess I am realizing that what is truly important is what lays the tracks.
September 14, 2009 — 10:19 am
Keith Lutz says:
You maybe drinking more tea, but I’m watching Da Bears!
September 14, 2009 — 10:21 am
Teri Lussier says:
>How much time do we really, truly devote to the nuturing of our own relationships?
Wow. I understand this, Tom. I’ve just these past 3 weeks let a lot of things go, mentally. It’s just unimportant right now compared to my family. And as a result we are closer, more able to talk and share and argue honestly and reach understanding more quickly- no small feat with two teenagers.
I absolutely know that what I’m doing is the most important thing I could be doing at this very moment. That could change tomorrow, but I’ll have no regrets that I spent more time with my family and less time working.
September 14, 2009 — 11:06 am
Erica Ramus says:
I just finished that book at well. It was a struggle for me to “get into” it at first, but I stuck with it.
Your mother’s story is very deep as well.
I think many of us think relationships should be simple. When they get tough, we either fight or walk away from a friend or spouse, or drop a client. All relationships take work.
September 14, 2009 — 11:22 am
Don Reedy says:
Tom,
My wife, Beth, and I are in the process of drinking more tea these days. Beth’s mom and dad just moved in with us in San Diego. She’s a multiple cancer survivor, and he’s got Alzheimer’s.
Your story is important, honest, and it touched me. It’s sort of like I was coming down the path and you saw me wearing my old red “Cadillac” baseball hat, stopped to chat, and we ended up best of friends.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll get the book today.
September 14, 2009 — 11:45 am
Thomas Hall says:
@Keith dabears
@Teri – so grateful for your comments. I know things have been tough for you – know that you are in my thoughts often. Really appreciate your comments.
@Erica – it’s not really a pleasure reading kind of book for sure, but I really got into it.
@Don – happy to share – thanks for your kind words. I have a sense when we meet we’ll have many long chats. Glad to hear that you too have family nearby.
September 14, 2009 — 12:53 pm
Bob Gibbs says:
Thanks for bringing some humanity to a blog. I also have been doing a lot of reading and sole searching of late and have come to realize that all things are more worthwhile if the relationship surrounding it is positive and brings joy. After spending 23 years in Silicon Valley I had totally lost site of the importance of forming strong bonds with other human beings. Nowadays if I can make someone smile or lift someones spirits I consider the day a success.
September 14, 2009 — 3:58 pm
Tom Hall says:
@Bob – thanks for your comments. It’s easy to get caught up in the cycle – I’m afraid Silicon Valley isn’t unique in that respect.
September 15, 2009 — 2:34 pm
Greg Dallaire says:
Tom,
It’s really interesting that I stumbled upon this blog after having an extremely deep conversation with a close friend.
Sometime’s I wonder if I go about my day in somewhat of the wrong fashion. I’m always focused on building great relationships and truly being sincere.
The problem I struggle with is how deep am I really getting these relationship’s or are they just come and go relationships. I don’t intend or want to have those types of relationships but I think it’s time that I start breaking bread and having some tea with old friends and past clients who I really enjoy and really taking that relationship to a greater level.
I don’t want to come across as the Real Estate guy who’s a friend but not really a good one unless he needs something.
I’m grateful that you wrote this post as it really hits home with me.
The great thing about bloodhound is that we are all changing and looking to better ourselves.
Thanks Again
September 15, 2009 — 8:33 pm
Thomas Hall says:
@GreenBayGreg 😉 in the spirit of my post, I feel honored that you found it meaningful to you – thanks for your kind words.
September 16, 2009 — 9:40 am