It’s not that I couldn’t somehow get my hands on a late model Ferrari if I really wanted one (and I doubt I’m any different than most happily married men of my demographic in this regard). After the divorce, I’d simply have to move in with relatives, liquidate whatever is left for 100 pennies on the dollar, then slap down the balance on American Express between billing cycles, that’s all. With the proceeds I could probably score a pretty decent off-lease, if not road worn, Enzo Berlinetta…in the least desirable color—with stock rims. I’m just saying.
I want one, but ideally…I want one 20 years ago. (Actually, I’ll just take the 20 years ago and you can keep the Ferrari and this whole real estate business.) A 32 year old Realtor in a Ferrari is a Bad Ass but a 52 year divorcee old living at home with mother is….well, just plain sad—especially when forced to park a high mileage phallus behind her Subaru in the driveway. (God how I hate that Freud.)
So this middle-aged guy zooms into my rear view mirror on the freeway entrance ramp last evening, hesitates for a double-bump tach rev, then screams past me on the right in 1st gear. He was neatly tucked into a couple hundred thou of handcrafted, precious scarlet metal and buttery cowhide. His straw gray, combed-over tonsure hovered in the breeze above a sun-chapped bald spot. A rose gold Chopard watch, with matching cuff links, deflected all remaining rays of Envy as he dissolved into the North Shore Chicago smogset. Judging from the pink gold blur, I pegged his left wrist alone at around 50 grand. Clearly, our little speedster’s got more jack than any man knows what to do with. His engine sounded like an amped-up Joe Satriani guitar riff in the dusky ether. His license plate read RAINMKR. I’ve been behind this ass clown before. He used to double park his banana cream Bentley at a renowned Viagra Triangle watering hole during happier hours. Must have gotten a divorce. If he got a red Ferrari then somebody got a house. You can bet on it.
I mentally counted the remaining months on my forest green 2006 BlahsMoW X3, followed immediately by my own marital blessings–bountiful, to be sure. I surmized (once again) that I have a personal mortality with which to wrestle and I don’t need anybody elses. But…. if I did get the opportunity to be RAINMKR for a day I’d probably hawk the pink watch if for no other reason than to see the look on the pawnbroker’s face . Then I’d go right back to my wife where I belonged…..but not before doing 185 (that’s when the rear wing is actuated to maintain the downforce of 775kg) on the way home; just like in that song I sing to myself every time it comes on the radio.
Benjamin Ficker says:
–A 32 year old Realtor in a Ferrari is a Bad Ass
Sweet, I’ve got six years to get one…
May 12, 2009 — 10:00 pm
Karen Frederick says:
You sure know how to paint the mental picture-complete with sound of course. “Amped-up Joe Satriani guitar riff in the dusky ether”-loved it! And I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that if you removed a few of the zeroes, more like new corvette and thick gold chain, this story would be about my…well…there’s that Freud again.
May 13, 2009 — 4:16 am
Geno Petro says:
Ben, Go for it. (and you dont need a pink gold timepiece—you can save several thousand $$$ by buying a basic Rolex.)
Karen, you know what Im talking about!
May 13, 2009 — 5:18 am
Eric Blackwell says:
@Benjamin – 32year old…hmmm…that means I am 10 years overdue and hate that Freud as much as Geno (grin)
This truly is what makes you- well you, Geno. Reading your stuff hits all of the senses (yeah…I liked the Satriani reference too).
Great read. Thanks, my friend.
Best
Eric
May 13, 2009 — 9:11 am
ines says:
and here I am perfectly happy with my mini-cooper and take it 120 MPH once in a while (would do the 911 any day though) but that would probably get me in trouble 🙂
May 13, 2009 — 10:05 am
Brad Coy says:
As always, Geno, that was fun. Thanks for the road trip.
May 13, 2009 — 11:54 pm
Geno Petro says:
Ines,
Our son has our Mini now. Miss it.
May 14, 2009 — 5:48 am
Chris Lengquist says:
I’ll have to stick with my MINI.
You of course know how to tell when a guy is getting ready for a Ferrari?
This LITERALLY happened in front of my eyes with a friend. He spent 6 months getting into the kind of shape no married 40 year old man is in. And then, shock of shocks, leaves his wife for a 22 year old. Who could have seen that coming?
After the divorce he is living in an apartment with a girl 5 years older than his son and DRIVING A FERRARI!!!!!!! (used)
Women, if your husband is working out regularly and he’s over 38 years old you might want to check out a few things… 🙂
Signed,
Happily married and slightly over weight.
May 14, 2009 — 4:31 pm
Thomas Johnson says:
Looks like the Mini is the de rigeur car of choice for the well appointed real estate blogger.
May 26, 2009 — 7:19 am