Looking forward to the day when he won’t have to go to Canada to be persecuted for being an insanely great writer, Mark Steyn takes on the Joe the Plumber investigation:
Joe the Plumber expressed his misgivings about the President-in-waiting’s tax inclinations, and the O-Man smoothly reassured him: “It’s not that I want to punish your success,” he told the bloated plutocrat corporate toilet executive. “I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance for success too. I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
In that sentence about you spreading the wealth around, there’s another typing error: that “you” should read “I, Barack.” “You” will have no say in it. Joe the Plumber might think he himself can spread it around just fine, but everyone knows “trickle-down economics” don’t work. So President-presumptive Obama kindly explained the new exquisitely condescending “talking-down economics:” Put that in your pipe and solder it.
Evidently the O-Mighty One was not happy after his encounter with Joe. He’s still willing to talk to Ahmadinejad without preconditions. But never again will he talk to Joe the Plumber without preconditions. Outraged at the way the right-wing whackos were talking up Joe the Plumber as if he were an authentic regular Joe like Joe Biden, the O-Bots of the media swung into action. Vast regiments of investigate reporters were redeployed from the Wasilla Holiday Inn back to the Lower 48.
“We need you down here checking out this Joe the Plumber,” editors barked to journalists.
“But I’m this close to wrapping up the Wasilla Town Library banned-book investigation!”
“Forget it! The Atlantic Monthly is claiming Joe the Plumber is Trig’s real father. We can’t get behind on this. Get to Minneapolis Airport. Joe the Plumber was seen in the bathroom with Senator Larry Craig.”
“Yes, but he was installing a stopcock…”
“Look, you went to Columbia School of Journalism. This is what we bold courageous journalists do. We’re the conscience of the nation. We speak truth to plumber.”
“Er, shouldn’t that be ‘Speak truth to power’?”
“That’s the old edition of the handbook. Now we speak truth to power-tool operators. Joe the Carpenter, Joe the Plasterer, Joe the Electrician… When you’re building utopia, you don’t want any builders getting in the way.”
Alas, as a result of this massive investment of journalistic resources, no investigative reporter will be free to investigate ACORN voter-registration fraud or Obama’s ties to terrorist educator William Ayers until, oh, midway through his second term at least.
Under the headline “Is ‘Joe The Plumber’ A Plumber? That’s Debatable”, John Seewer of the Associated Press triumphantly revealed that Joe is not a “licensed” plumber. In fact, he doesn’t need to be licensed for the residential plumbing he does, but isn’t that just typical of Bush-McCain insane out-of-control deregulation? It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that most of these subprime homeowners got Joe in to plumb their subprime bathrooms. Next thing you know, the entire global economy goes down the toilet. Coincidence?
Jeff Brown says:
Thanks, I needed that! Now off to change my shirt. Damn coffee stains.
October 18, 2008 — 11:33 am
Greg Swann says:
That “I Am Joe!” button is blogger IowaHawk setting up a viral “I am Spartacus!” meme.
October 18, 2008 — 11:39 am
Arlington real estate says:
Is this the writer with the british accent? If so he is surely one of my favorite and his insight and biting satire tend to be dead on.
October 18, 2008 — 12:25 pm
Greg Swann says:
Mark Steyn on Wikipedia.
October 18, 2008 — 12:52 pm
Teri Lussier says:
>setting up a viral “I am Spartacus!” meme.
I’ve been tweeting that all week. Gets hugely ignored by the Twitterati- Go figure.
>the Associated Press triumphantly revealed that Joe is not a “licensed” plumber. In fact, he doesn’t need to be licensed for the residential plumbing he does, but isn’t that just typical of Bush-McCain insane out-of-control deregulation? It wouldn’t surprise me to discover that most of these subprime homeowners got Joe in to plumb their subprime bathrooms. Next thing you know, the entire global economy goes down the toilet. Coincidence?
And if you can’t blame Bush-McCain, you can always blame Ohio. 😉
Brilliant piece of writing. Thanks for sharing.
October 18, 2008 — 3:42 pm
jay ovalle says:
I don’t know if you guys noticed that missing from the coverage was the fact the O-man confused “revenue” with “income” and misspoke when he said “…if your revenue is above 250 (K)…” Basically, no more write-offs and higher taxes for you Joes out there grossing more than 250K a year!
October 19, 2008 — 9:34 am
John Sabia says:
Absolutely Despicable. An ordinary “joe” dares ask the Messiah a question that catches him off guard and reveals his true ideology, and the far left attack smear machine starts firing back. If you are not one of the pack, you must be destroyed.
October 19, 2008 — 11:00 am
Larry Brewer says:
Now this is funny. I noticed that you didn’t have many comments. Am I in the wrong place? Is this for liberals only? I hope not, we have enough of that at CBS and NBC.
October 21, 2008 — 6:29 am
Tonna Heath says:
Thanks for speaking to this urgent matter. I am perplexed by the number of people who support this man. What will be left of this country once Obama and a liberal Democratic Congress hold the working man/woman hostage and shakes him/her down for the last dime to give to those less work brittle (read “less fortunate” according to the liberal media)? If the government’s job is to regulate income and insure everyone’s piece of the pie is totally equal, then perhaps he can be hailed the Messiah. If the government’s job is simply to provide the framework for a free market economy and defend its citizens’ freedom, then he’s the Anti-Christ.
October 21, 2008 — 11:11 pm