There’s always something to howl about.

The just-exactly-how-dumb-are-you Realtor-spam of the day: Effection might come at a high price, but at least it’s fleeting

This one came to me as real-world spam, and it has a cloying kind of plausibility to it:

Hmm… That’s almost kindasorta a good idea, isn’t it? Laptop in the car? Maybe not so much. Wi-Fi-enabled PDF? They’re out there, but the iPhone.2 is going to EDGE every other hand-held device to the sidelines. In fact, both types of iPhones are Wi-Fi-enabled, but we know that Wi-Fi is going to be Wi-ped out within a few years.

Even so… Let’s go to the videotape:

I don’t actually hate this idea, but the pitch to the consumer boils down to this: “Your Realtor is too lazy to service your flyer box, so let’s sell him a high-tech gimmick so he can express his laziness in a different way.” I like the idea of doing more to sell listings, but I hate every variety of the brains-not-included plug-n-chug solution.

But that’s as may be. How much does it cost for an effectioNet.com eLapTopTour web site?

Holy cow! They might be plug-n-chug, but they’re cheap: $65, $85 or $95.

But wait. As Tom Waits says, “The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.” Witness:

effectioNet’s pricing schedule is very simple: we lease the device for a fee of $50 per month.[…]

We do require a $150 deposit, fully refundable on return of the device intact, and, we offer a 6 month minimum lease.

The program works on a first month’s lease of $50 + $150 deposit. Then an auto deduction will be taken each month for the balance of the term. We take PayPal and/or all major credit cards.

Townes Van Zandt said, “If you want good friends, they’re gonna cost you,” and effectioNet’s affections are going to run you $365 minimum. Per listing. What will you have at the end of your six month minimum lease? Fond memories.

So let’s say this is demi-semi-sorta plausible. The idea behind the product is kind of half-baked, especially since we already know how to do much better single-property websites than this plug-and-chug upchuck. If we’re committed to the idea but not the execution, what might work better instead?

You can buy new-in-box Mac Minis for $600 on eBay. You’ll need a monitor, keyboard and mouse (a/k/a a KVM), but all those dead Windows machines you own will be happy to donate their leftover gear, plus you only need one KVM no matter how many Mac Minis you buy. Every OS X Macintosh is an Apache web server by default, so you’re almost ready to conjure. What’s missing? An 802.11g Wi-Fi router goes for around $30.

Earlier this week, Chris Johnson showed us how to put everything together. I like this set-up because it doesn’t look like anything worth stealing. Without the KVM on-site, and with this gizmo up on a shelf in the garage — where there is less house to interfere with the signal anyway — you’re probably theft-proof. Easy enough to lock it in a cabinet if you’re paranoid.

What remains is the software problem. Serving up the web site is duck soup, although I don’t know how you’re going to get your prospect to the site without using a hard IP address: 127.0.0.1. I’d be interested to learn how effectioNet is handling this problem.

(Is it possible to force a particular browser to load page when you log-on to a Wi-Fi connection? I’ve seen this in hotels, so it must be. Just a software problem.)

We need power on in the house, but we don’t need a broadband connection. We’re serving up the web site locally.

The cost for the hardware, allowing for everything: Maybe $750, and I’ll bet I could do it for less than that. The first two listings beat effectioNet’s price, and the third one is free. Plus which, you’ll have a much better single property web site on-site, and you can update it whenever you need to — although you’ll have to schlep your KVM around with you.

Bottom line: The effectioNet idea is not awful, but the pricing structure is absurd — just more Realtor-milking. Do I think this is a cool enough idea to do something like it my way? Ask me in three months. If you put something together, be sure to let us know.

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