Warning: Satire Ahead — Real Estate Therapy, The New Marketing Strategy

by Mike Farmer

Real Estate Broker

Author website

I read this HUH! this morning and immediately smirked. I suppose I’m jaded having worked in a psych-related field where I saw for years every burp and fart psychologized by some frisky Ph.D. or another. I told a co-worker once that the co-dependency crowd had effectively covered every conceivable form of behavior as a symptom of co-dependency, therefore destroying the meaning of their concern.

But then I began thinking that maybe we need to bring psychology into real estate, especially after the trauma from the last few years.

Real estate therapist (RET): Why are you afraid to lower the price of your home?

Seller: I’m not afraid, it’s just that…it’s…uh…it’s

RET: It will make you feel less than?

Seller: Maybe, I mean it’s a smaller price, and I just think…well…you know my neighbor has a large price…and I…uh

RET: You might be experiencing price envy.

Because now we’ll soon be seeing sellers entering treatment with PTSD, and perhaps we can help them before they hit bottom. We need to get to the source of their emotional turmoil. When your seller starts avoiding his emotional pain by asking about open houses and marketing strategy, stare deep into his eyes and ask:

But how do you feeeeel about your house not selling?

Allow the seller to express his/her feelings while you remain silent looking as thoughtful as possible. Say “ummm, I see” every so often.

Ask the seller if his mother nurtured him when he was young — let him know you are there for him and it’s okay to cry. 

Let’s say you’re working with a buyer, a young lady who keeps making lowball offers beause she’s heard it’s a buyer’s market, but she’s being unrealistic and seems to relish attempting to make the seller suffer. Delve into her relationship with her father. Her father may have been an overbearing, emotionally-detached authoritarian, and the buyer may be trying to get attention and revenge by projecting her deep-seated resentments and pain onto the seller.

Allow her a safe place to vent her resentments, maybe a park, after you gently bring this transference to light.

Yes, real estate psychology, it’s time to start the healing process. When sellers and buyers over-react, let them know you understand that real estate transactions are like relationships where there must be give and take, that both parties must listen and understand the feelings of the other side. Sit the parties down in a neutral environment and mediate their differences in a conflict resolution session where they learn the necessary communication skills to effectively reach mutually beneficial outcomes.

Some therapists warn against physical contact, but some say a well-timed hug can be powerfully therapeutic. Hug your client at moments when it seems therpeutic to do so — let them know they are loved and respected. Sometimes just touching their hands lightly with a concerned look on your face is enough to break the denial and release their emotions so that recovery can begin. Make sure you have tissues nearby and offer one at the first sign of a tear. This shows compassion and understanding — clients will love it.

Never be judgemental. Let your clients know that feelings aren’t facts and it’s human to have feelings, that they’re neither positive nor negative, they just are what they are. Allow your clients the safety zone to express strong emotions, then lead them back to their centering-place and summarize what just happened — feed-back — so they can discover the source of their strong emotion and hopefully root out the subconcious valuations that have been leading them to displeasure — then the transaction will run smoother and you will become known as the realtor who cares, the realtor who truly understands.

You can create a niche market with this and perhaps charge additional fees at some point. Wear glasses that fit half-way down your nose — wear earth-tone clothing, and if you are a man, perhaps grow a beard — if you are female, don’t have perfect hair and make it appear that you’re beyond vanity, so dress in sexually-neutral clothing.

Have weekly sessions with your clients and make sure the spouse attends. Once a month, have a family session if there are children involved. Market this approach subtly because the biggest give-away that you are not an authentic helping-person is glitz and tacky advertising. Softly suggest they tell a friend, keep it low-key and sincere.

And remind them often that what’s important is the journey, not the destination.