There’s always something to howl about.

HR 3915: Anti-Consumer Bank Protection Act of 2007

HR 3915, the Anti-Consumer mortgage bill has passed the House Financial Services Committee. This was expected. The committee is chaired by the bill’s sponsor, Barney Frank. This bill seeks to destroy the consumer protections, guaranteed by free markets, through: a legislated oligopoly, a reduction is loan choices, and a contraction of loan pricing options, all dressed up as consumer protection.

This isn’t cause for concern…yet. Today’s House FSA approval was akin to a Politburo approval of Khrushchev’s recommendation of the Communist slate of officials – with Khrushchev presiding.

The horse trading with this bill starts tomorrow. The bill will be read to the House “Committee of the Whole” where time will be allotted for debate and amendments will be considered. ( C-SPAN junkies, this is where time is allotted to the “Gentlewoman from California” wherein she rambles about baby seals for two minutes and offers her support for the mortgage bill. Then, the “Gentleman from Arizona” talks about the second amendment for two minutes and concludes with his dissent for the mortgage bill. )

Mandatory licensing of originators will most likely be recommended although nobody will really understand why it’s necessary. Republicans and Democrats alike favor licensing- the former for its ability to fleece money from people without the appearance of a tax and the latter because it asserts some level of governmental control.

The “fiduciary duty” rule will be attached, also. Nobody knows what that means but it sounds SO DAMNED GOOD to the little people back in the home state.

Yield Spread Premium will not go away but be limited to 1%. Prepayment penalties will be abolished. A lobbyist will buy a legislator lunch, explain in fourth grade math about how it helps the consumer, who, in turn, will explain the concept to the Committee of the Whole, in third grade math. That amendment will be made and everyone will champion the cause of the consumer and smoke another cigar.

The Committee of the Whole will read the bill for a third time, with my predicted amendments, and the House will overwhelmingly pass the bill for referral to the Senate.

The Distinguished Senate Leader will announce his support for the bill explaining that while prostitution is legal in his home state, it is a misdemeanor for any originator to not verify the prostitute’s income on a home loan; that, of course, protects the prostitute from sober bankers (drunken bankers on convention are still a menace, albeit, profitable menaces).

The bill will then be referred to the Senate Committee on Banking. That Chairman believes that Big Ben has the whole matter under control. Licensing will be preserved on the state level but with a nod to the Fed for fee collection. The banks will breathe a sigh of relief and the mortgage brokers will get nervous.

That amended bill will get sent to the Senate for debate and vote. More baby seal talk, gun talk, and preservation of “fiduciary duty to the consumer” talk. Senators, more proficient at math than their House counterparts, will reaffirm, in first grade math, why Yield Spread Premium is pro-consumer and up the ante to 2%. Prepayment penalties will be limited to one year or less as a nod to the importance of “financial stability”.

The House and Senate managers will meet to iron out the differences. Forceful rhetoric will be made, on television, by both parties and the President will sign the amended bill into law.

Originators will soon need a driver’s license but will pay $125/year to a federal agency. YSP and prepayment penalties will be limited to reasonable levels, and the originators will lose their driver’s license if they breach their fiduciary duty- although nobody will ever understand what that really means.

Rogue salespeople will move on to some other industry to exploit, originators will go back to wearing ties and skirts so that the police will know they are originators when they show their driver’s license, and nobody will be lent any money unless they have a lot of it.

I figured this whole thing out, all by myself, right here.
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