After spending a lot of time this week following up on various ads, trying to track down Realtors to ask quick questions about their listings and spending time on “competitors'” websites and blogs, I have determined that there is a formula to how to SUCK as a Realtor. Part of my appeal as a contributor is that I’m not a Realtor. I don’t practice Real Estate, but I’m involved just enough to witness why people have a poor perception of the industry. If you want to SUCK as a Realtor, be sure to follow these tips in acronym form:
1.) Silence your phone so that you never have to answer it or get that pesky noise that the voicemail thingy makes when I leave a series of messages over several days. Even though I simply say, “I have a question about your advertisement, I’m interested in learning more,” and you can’t tell if I am a buyer or not, you should never answer that phone or return calls. Otherwise, someone might think that you are a good Realtor.
2.) Untimeliness with emails is key. If you really want to suck as a Realtor, make sure to check your email no more than once a week. That’s really pushing it… you should probably only check monthly. And then don’t respond. Even if someone is interested in submitting an offer and you’ve followed step 1 and plan on following step 5.
3.) Condescending anyone that crosses your path is crucial- other Realtors, buyers, sellers, the paper boy and kittens. You are clearly smarter and more established than anyone in the industry, never mind your ’85 Escort that just pooped emissions on our office driveway. Make sure in meetings to use the words “Top Realtor” and “better than” at least seven times.
4.) Competency is for suckas. If you are able to comprehend basic RE law, how to perform the dial function of a phone, or how to unlock a door with an eKey, you definitely don’t SUCK as a Realtor… you should try harder if you want to be the “Top Suckey Realtor.” I know how you like to be Numero Uno!
5.) Kindly ignore faxes, especially if they contain offers. You wouldn’t dream of answering your phone, so sometimes people are forced to communicate over fax. We also know that you haven’t even heard of an e-fax, so your assistant/janitor has probably thrown away those dead trees containing offers because you’re in Jamaica for the month anyhow.
If you have violated this acronym, you might just be a decent Realtor. If you are able to follow all 5 of these tips, you are the reason that people are skeptical of Realtors and there are more of you out there than the industry is able to hold… we aren’t holding our breath until your license magically expires next month, so until then- please follow all five steps so there’s one less leech in the pond.
Barrett Niehus says:
You would be amazed at how many real estate agents prescribe to the above list as part of their daily approach to their job. Sadly, most real estate leads don’t receive follow up in a timely manner. Subsequently, they walk away from a lot of business.
Barrett Niehus
4MySales
August 2, 2007 — 12:07 am
Mortgage Info says:
Hilarious! That’s a great list; unfortunately, like Barrett mentioned before me, so many people actually subscribe to this method of doing business…it’s crazy, but true.
August 2, 2007 — 2:27 am
Steven Groves says:
Ok – suck with two C’s; bad spelling – great post…
August 2, 2007 — 10:22 am
Sandy says:
Too true. Lani, it is so incredibly painful trying to work across the table from these people. The agent I have loved most so far was actually a chiropractor (read: quackery), and only handled her real estate business between the hours of 6pm and 7pm. No returned phone calls, no returned emails–if you wanted to talk to her you had to catch her on the fly when she wasn’t cracking backs.
August 2, 2007 — 12:05 pm
Chris says:
You want to be surprised? Email a few CCIM brokers, I emailed five on a Sunday night, at about 6pm. Within 20 minutes two responded. Over the next two days they all called.
I was shocked, being used to dealing with residential agents it was a total shock!
August 2, 2007 — 3:03 pm
Carmel Real Estate says:
This is absolutely hilarious. As a real estate agent I come across these people all the time. I often wonder how they stay in business. I cannot tell you how many times I call people who have registered on my website and they say “I have registered with 5 other companies and you are the first person to call me back”. This is a fantastic post.
August 2, 2007 — 3:37 pm
Scott says:
Want to know what really bugs me?
When I run into these same realtors that really do S.U.C.C.K. so you work your tail off doing all the work to get the sale closed. After closing you find out that they’ve charged their client a full 6% for doing absolutely squat throughout the transaction. And irony of irony…they pay a 2.5% Buyer’s Agent Commission while keeping 3.5% for themselves. I’d think it was a bad joke if I hadn’t lived through it so many times.
Is it any mystery why consumers don’t think Realtors&174; are worth 6% anymore?
August 2, 2007 — 4:23 pm
Lani says:
Yeah, I’m aware of how to spell SUCK (with one “c”), thus the correct spelling in the remainder of the post- just had to add ONE more to make a good acronym! 🙂
Right on, Sandy- the part timer is rarely helpful. It is amazing how many people do this on “the side”… it is irritating to me that there are people that expect YOU to work around THEIR schedule- RE is about accomodating all parties even when inconvenient to ourselves (thus answering questions at 9pm and blogging past 11!).
August 2, 2007 — 4:32 pm
Susan Wight says:
You nailed it, or, i.e., ‘the sucky realtor’ to the wall. It sounds like you have some “Monopolize Your Marketplace” expertise (that’s a compliment) and I thoroughly enjoyed this post! p.s. (I’m not a realtor, I just study the industry, and am always interested in fun educational pieces like this. good job!)
August 3, 2007 — 12:06 pm
Raye Scott says:
Couldn’t have said it any better. But, I have several other crucial items to add to the list. How about mortgage brokers who think they can also pretend to be realtors? These people suck at both professions! Also, if you really want to suck, refuse to refer a client to a local expert and then drain a competent agent of all her time and expertise because you are too stupid and greedy and think you can pretend you know the area and inventory. That’s one of my favorites. Oh, I could go on and on. Believe me, I know you have heard it before, but my partner and I are professional, ethical, technologically advanced and proud of our business yet, we know we are often tarnished by the same brush used to swipe at sucky realtors. We are out here trying to dispel that image and uplift our status as professionals. We don’t all suck but, I will lead the parade to get rid of the ones that do!
August 3, 2007 — 3:04 pm