What Barenaked Ladies Taught Me About Scripting And Delivery

by Dan Green

Mortgage Planner

Author website

The most important part of my job as a loan officer is helping clients understand how mortgages work.

It’s a tall order sometimes and that’s why I spend a ton of time crafting answers to common questions and then rehearsing them until I can recite them backwards, forwards, and from any point in the middle.

This is called Scripting and Delivery.

Why do I do it? Because over the course of my career, I have heard the same questions from my clients thousands of time. Naturally, that’s fine with me. The more times I am asked a particular question, the more I know just how important it is to people.

• “I’ve heard that interest only loans are dangerous. What do you think?”
• “Our family is about add another baby. How should we incorporate that into our mortgage plan?”
• “I just paid off a credit card. Should I close the card?”

Each of these questions is a springboard to bigger, more important discussions about mortgage planning. That’s when I am thankful that I know what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. A carefully-crafted answer makes a far greater impact to my clients that if I just spoke off the cuff.

But, scripting alone, though, doesn’t cut it. It has to be backed up with flawless delivery, too.

This is where a lot of mortgage and real estate professionals fall short. They rely on their experience/expertise and just figure that they’ll wing it when the time comes to respond to a client’s question.

Look: It doesn’t matter if you know what to say if you don’t know how to say it clearly. And I’m going to prove it.

Below, are the lyrics for the Barenaked Ladies tune “One Week”, courtesy of Rock It Old School. Look them over, print them out, put them on an adjacent screen, whatever — just get a copy you can reference while you watch the embedded YouTube video above.

You’ve got the “script” in-hand so how hard can it be to just sing along?

If you failed on your first go around, try again. If you fail on the second try, try again. Just keep trying until you can sing it just like Ed and Steve, no stumbling, no fumbling, 100 percent perfect. Then, skip to the end of the post.

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side, and said “I’m angry”
Five days since you laughed at me saying
“Get that together come back and see me”
Three days since the living room
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
But it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink, as I make you stop, think
You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, although I like Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi ’cause it’s never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes, big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I’m all about value
Bert Kaempfert’s got the mad hits, you try to match wits
You try to hold me but I bust through
Gonna make a break and take a fake; I’d like a stinkin’ achin’ shake
I like vanilla, it’s the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, ’cause then you’ll know the vertigo is gonna grow
‘Cause it’s so dangerous, you’ll have to sign a waiver

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad
Tryin’ hard not to smile though I feel bad
I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can’t understand what I mean? Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air and said “You’re crazy”
Five days since you tackled me
I’ve still got the rug burns on both my knees
It’s been three days since the afternoon
You realized it’s not my fault not a moment too soon
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait till you say you’re sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken:
You have a drum stick and your brain stops tickin’
Watchin’ X-Files with no lights on, we’re dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one
Like Harrison Ford, I’m getting frantic; Like Sting, I’m tantric
Like snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa, I make mad films; Okay, I don’t make films
But If I did they’d have a Samurai
Gonna get a set of better clubs; gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren’t always flying off the back-swing
Gonna get in tune with Sailor Moon ’cause the cartoon has got
The boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you’re funny when you’re mad
Tryin’ hard not to smile though I feel bad
I’m the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can’t understand what I mean? You soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind of my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides and said “I’m sorry” (hey)
Five days since I laughed at you and said
“You just did just what I thought you were gonna do”
Three days since the living room
We realized we’re both to blame, but what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
‘Cause it’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry

It’ll still be two days till we say we’re sorry
It’ll still be two days till we say wasabi
Birchmount stadium: Home of the Robbie

Even with the scripting (i.e. lyrics), how long did it take you to deliver the “bunch of really fast rhymes” part flawlessly? Because, unless you get it down 100 percent perfectly, the song is effectively ruined.

And that’s with the script in front of you!

Like I said: It’s more than the script — it’s also the delivery. Rehearse your scripts and you’ll feel more confident, you’ll appear more knowledgeable, and your clients will learn more from you. You’ll be the King of Bedside Manor.