A friend said this on the phone: “I’m sorry this is taking me so long. I’m really bad at computers.”
My reply: “Why would you say it that way?”
“Huh?”
“I understand that you’re reporting on what you see as being a matter of fact. But why not say it this way: ‘Computers have been a challenge for me, but I find I’m getting better with experience.’ You’re telling the exact same truth, not misrepresenting anything. But by focusing on what you’re doing right, you’ll improve your future performance just by changing your attitude.”
I’m not talking about canned affirmations. I’m talking about the words you choose when you’re telling the unshaded truth about your life, your mind, your talents, your work, your relationships.
You can say: “I’m a lousy writer.” But you can be just as truthful by saying this instead: “It hasn’t been easy for me to improve my writing skills, but I’m finding that hard work is paying off for me.”
You can say: “I always get lost when I go someplace for the first time.” But it would be equally factual to say, “I find it beneficial to prepare carefully before I travel to an unfamiliar neighborhood.”
You can say: “I’ll probably lose.” But you would be no less honest to say, “I just might win.”
The statements you make about yourself might seem to you to be statements of fact at the time you are making them. But whatever truth there might be in those expressions right now, you are also writing the script for your future. Saying “I’ll probably lose” is functionally equivalent to saying “I’ll never win.” If you don’t mean to say that you can never, ever get anything right, then stop telling these brutal lies about yourself.
If you invert those expressions instead — concentrating on everything you get right, not everything you get wrong — by that one simple change of habit you will rewrite the script of your future. There’s no telling how high you can rise, once you stop putting yourself down, but, at a minimum, you will write yourself a much happier ending.
Here’s what I say: I’m working very hard to change the world for the better — for myself, for my family and friends, and for everyone. Here is how you can help: Stop telling those awful lies about your life, and start telling beautiful truths instead.
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marcie says:
Greg: You are something else. Always positive and I feel a good writer. That is right. This is the way to live our lives. Inside out! Make that change. If I can do it with all the obstacles in my way anyone can. Be cheerful and positive we all can do it. Thank you Marcie
August 10, 2010 — 1:14 am
Russell Shaw says:
This post is magnificent! Thank you for writing it.
August 10, 2010 — 2:58 am
Brian Brady says:
It pleases me to catch someone doing something right! Consider yourself caught, Greg.
August 10, 2010 — 10:36 am
Jim Klein says:
I agree with Russell’s word…”magnificent.” If this ain’t the key, I don’t know what is.
Being for the simple fact that our lives, in each and every action, are what we choose them to be, it only makes sense that they’ll happen as we script ’em. Well done as always, Greg…did I hear a lever creak?
August 10, 2010 — 1:22 pm
Taylor White, PHD says:
This is so true…we are what we think.
August 10, 2010 — 4:29 pm
Greg Swann says:
Bless you, thank you, everyone.
But I don’t know if I’m getting this right or not. I want these ideas memed, and that’s not happening. This one idea — learning to love life from the inside out — this is what will save us from any evils that might befall us, now or later. This is what we all have to learn in order to be rid of evil — by choosing always to be engemmed in splendor instead.
So: Why are these posts spreading no further than here? I’m technically off-topic for real estate, except that everything I’m talking about will make you much better at any job you do or any task you undertake. I’m not link-baiting or trolling for cash. My sole interest in doing this is to share these ideas, to help serious people explore a different way of organizing their minds.
So if you can, tell me what I can do to draw more attention to this post, to this series of posts and to the philosophical ideas that undergird my arguments.
August 10, 2010 — 9:52 pm
Jim Klein says:
Oh, it’ll happen, I’m sure. It’s just a question of what happens between now and then. I always knew the mountain was huge, but it’s even higher than we might’ve thought. This hit home (yet again!) for me last night when I was scrolling past Headline News and heard the interviewer ask the panel, and I can’t tell you about what, “So was it noble or selfish?”
If I didn’t take such good care of myself, I could’ve been gone right there!
August 11, 2010 — 8:59 am
Jim Klein says:
Besides, you already know all the relevant decisions are on the reader’s end and not yours. That’s something you can’t change. Humor’s always a great thing, but I don’t know how much funnier you could treat this stuff. It’s not easy to enjoy life so much that one can smile in the face of death and destruction, let alone /intentional/ death and destruction.
Me, as I intimated, I’m stuck on hierarchy. No wonder I’ve got so little to say—I’m still trying to convince people that they’re actually alive!
August 11, 2010 — 9:21 am
Brian Brady says:
This will come off as cynical but I think it’s in the title. The one extreme would be to title it “The one little act that helps you increase sales, save time, and live longer” or “How changing my words helped me to focus on doing a better job for my customers”.
We are creatures of habit and most of us read the headlines before the story
August 11, 2010 — 9:32 am
Kevin Tomlinson says:
i hate coming here. I have to think to form a thought and that is dog gone hard!
I’d just pay someone to fix the damn computer while I’m getting a massage!
All that thinking and thinking about your thinking is haaaaaaaaaard.
August 11, 2010 — 9:46 pm
Jim Klein says:
LOL, Kevin. “If it were easy, then everyone could do it.”
Oh wait…it is easy, and anyone can do it!
August 12, 2010 — 7:58 am
Marc Knight says:
Great post. Well conceived, clever and pleasurable to peruse. I wish everyone shares the same mindset as you Jeff…
August 12, 2010 — 8:46 am
Brad Yzermans says:
I agree with words we choose beign a big factor in our experience in life. Maybe some people don’t do this because they really aren’t getting better at computers. Maybe they feel like they are going backwards due to how quickly technology is advancing? And even saying they are getting better, when they aren’t, feels like a lie….and is a lie. I know I have struggled with this in my life….trying to claim something that is but it isn’t quite true yet…or may never will be. Is that being intellecually honest?
Here’s a thought. Is saying “I’ll probably lose’ the same as saying “I might win”? Both are based on doubt…..the words ‘probably’ and ‘might’ have no power or conviction behind them. Anyways…just a random thought and I’m sure it could philosophically debated to no end and would require more research into wording.
Good topic….I agree, successful people tend to always have positive speach whether by design or it coming naturally. Thanks for the reminder.
August 16, 2010 — 9:08 am