It was Christmas Eve December 24, 1967, and he stood in front of his parents house for the first time in 21 months since he had left to serve his country in Vietnam.
The cool San Francisco fog was a pleasant change from the sticky Mekong Delta heat that he had endured less than 28 hours earlier.
While pleasant and welcoming, the faint background sounds of traffic and sea gulls confused his heightened sense of awareness.
Trying to gain a perspective of his new surreal, yet familiar surroundings, this 23 year-old kid paused at the bottom of the long steps that led up to his front door….
Can I look my own mother in the eyes without letting her see right through to the pain and fear that is hidden just beyond this external shell of a man?
It had only been weeks, or days, or maybe even minutes since he raced to stop the bleeding and save another brother’s life.
As a Field Medic, he had been trained to maintain composure while holding a dying man’s hand, yet the Army never prepared him for when he returned to the real world.
His mind drifted back to the day his father dropped him off at the bus station when he was heading off to boot camp.
A solid man, who fought back tears as he explained to his son that he joined the fight in World War II so his children wouldn’t have to.
Will his return open up wounds that his father spent years healing? Does he even have to share his story with his Veteran dad, or will he already know the ending?
He took the first three steps…. only 8 more to go before he has to face his future.
A soft bed, secure behind locked doors was motivating him to gently move up a few more steps, only stopping for a brief moment as he cringed with the thought of his prior sleeping conditions.
Nights were either spent in a foxhole infested with fire ants, or on moonlit missions into the jungle rooting out ambushes. Either way, the thought of a full 12 hours of sleep in his own bed overcame his prior anxieties as he neared the top of the front porch.
What would he remember, or how would he be remembered?
As he took his trembling hands away from his weathered face, he realized that he had been kneeling on the first step the entire time.
Looking up, he saw his parents standing in the open doorway with welcoming arms waiting for him to complete his long journey home.
_____________
The happy ending to this story is that my father finally made it up those steps and went on to raise a great family.
While he continues to struggle with the questions and answers about those 21 months of his life, he has made this world a better place by sharing his compassion and love with everyone that he meets.
On this Veterans Day, I’d like to thank my father, grandfathers, uncles and their wives and children whom have sacrificed their lives so that I may have the freedom to sit here and blog about it.
Tony Sena says:
Next time I see your Dad, I will make sure I say thanks for his service.
November 11, 2009 — 8:31 pm
Don Reedy says:
Mark,
Just do at General Patton says. Live as the best man you can be. This honors your dad and others like him, their sacrifices, their courage and their service.
This post tells me your dad did much more than serve or survive. He prospered, raising a son who knows his freedom is in some way conditioned upon the legacy all veterans have shared with us.
You, Mark, honor your father, and in so doing, honor all veterans.
November 11, 2009 — 8:36 pm
Derek Egeberg says:
Mark,
Thank you for the post and the gentle nudge that we all should and could be much more thankful.
Please pass along our thanks to your father.
November 11, 2009 — 9:38 pm
Thomas Johnson says:
Thank you, Mark.
November 11, 2009 — 10:13 pm
Mark Green says:
Mark, this tribute really moved me. Thanks for sharing it and please send your Dad one more shout out of appreciation and respect from Atlanta.
November 12, 2009 — 2:43 am
Gil Lang says:
Mark,
Thank you for this tribute. My son was in Iraq and it makes me realize how thankful I am that he is home and safe again. I know how your Dad’s parents felt when he was on the bottom step.
God bless our soldiers and God bless America..
November 12, 2009 — 9:43 am
Carl Spahr says:
Mark,
I have known your Dad since 1979 and knew he was in VietNam, but not much else as we never talked about it. I was in the USAF and never went through what he did.Your tribute to him shows what a fine son and family he has raised and kind of man he is. The respect you give to others is a blessing to Mike, your mom and family.
God Bless
Carl Spahr 12November2009
November 12, 2009 — 9:47 am
mike says:
I was moved by this. Thank you for sharing your story so eloquently.
November 13, 2009 — 6:37 pm
Mark Madsen says:
Thank you all for the kind responses.
My dad has told that story a few times, but it was more of a matter of fact account:
“I came from the battle field and arrived home 24 hours later on Christmas Eve.”
That’s as far as he’s ever taken it, so I obviously told his story from my own perception of what he could have been thinking or feeling.
I figured I’d embed links to the photos so that they didn’t distract from the story. Just as Gil Lang mentioned above, this is a very personal story that can apply to any Vet or family member.
One thought that has always stuck in my mind is the fact that he came from Vietnam to San Francisco as the anti-war movement was escalating.
For the most part, our Vets can return home and walk around their communities with a sense of pride and honor today. Even if people don’t approve of our current wars, they don’t necessarily go out of their way to disrespect Veterans to their faces.
However, the environment was much different for my dad back then.
—-
Here is a portion of an email that I received from my mom on Veterans Day:
Son, I’ve just been rereading this and looking at the pictures over and over–this really hit me hard and the tears just flowed.
Words just can’t express what this means to me and what an honor and tribute you have just paid to your Father and all other Veterans.
I know that your Father will be so blessed when he reads this tomorrow, and also thankful that you just validated his whole experience in Vietnam.
The whole thing really humbled me and helped me realize so much more about my husband on our 37th wedding anniversary today about the sacrifices that
he has made.
This was life-changing for me…
Could you please send me a clean copy of what you wrote so I can print it out and always carry it with me. I also want to share it with your Grandfather, as he is also a Veteran.
……..
November 14, 2009 — 4:31 pm
Eric Blackwell says:
Mark;
Thanks for wtiting this and please pass on my thanks to your dad for his service.
best
Eric
November 17, 2009 — 6:30 am
Rob Hall says:
Mark,
Thanks for writing that. Not only was it written really well, but it truly honors Mike. I am privileged to share him as my father-in law with you.
Rob
November 18, 2009 — 4:11 pm
Dennis says:
Mark, thanks for the nice tribute and much deserved.
My father was at Normandy and received his battlefield commission during the campaign. With this generation dying each day it is up to us to share every war’s vets whenever we can – they were and are today truly selfless warriors. Best wishes.
November 19, 2009 — 1:29 pm